Freedom From Clutter

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How to survive the holidays

Hello & welcome back!

Do you curse the darkness because you can’t see or do you accept that it is too dark to see and turn on a light? Do you sit on the side of the road when your gas gauge is on “E” crying, “why does the gas always do this to me?” Or do you accept you need gas, pull into a station & fill up your tank? When something is spilled do recognize the mess and mop it up, or do you have a tantrum & then tend to it? Do you stop Christmas because you never got a tree or do you promise to start earlier next year & have a good time now? 

Stress is a year round problem, yet it is at its peak this time of year. The examples above shows us when we accept a situation as is solutions or answers come and what action needs to be taken is evident. What gets us into trouble is when we make it personal, as is also shown in the above examples, but this just recycles our pain creating more stress.  Our thoughts about it being dark, out of gas, the spill, or being tree-less is what causes stress not the actual event. 

Let’s say, for example sake, you take a date to a holiday party when you notice your date is talking to someone you can’t stand. Your date is bored and hoping you’ll show up and rescue them. You’re in the corner berating yourself making up a story on how your date likes the other person better and will probably marry (true, that is how dramatic & ridiculous the ego makes things). Your date is thinking they are getting no attention from you and just want to go home. The two of you get in the car and as far as you both are concerned there will not be a second date. 

Our story’s are created by the ego. The ego runs thoughts in your head that prove what it *thinks* it knows negatively about you. When you question these thoughts opposed to believing them you free yourself. In the above scenario, if you looked for your date & instead of creating a story you accepted she was talking to someone this would give you a host of options, and without a story it wouldn’t be about you. If a child has an accident, yes it sucks that you must stop what you were doing to attend to the mess, but it is not a catastrophe unless you make it one.  

The other night my fiancee turned his back toward me during a concert. My thought was, or the story I told myself, I wasn’t good enough for his attention. Whoa, oh enlightened one. I made the odd seating configuration about me! Talk about a stretch, but, I admit  there was alcohol involved.  My ego was taking his action to prove I wasn’t worthy of his attention. Once, I got a grip & realized his action wasn’t about me & that the meaning I assigned to his action was a complete lie, I freed myself from an unnecessary argument about something neither of us had control over or hurt feelings between us. It didn’t mean the seating arrangement didn’t suck, but instead of making his action about me I kept the focus on what the real problem was & a mental note not to pick these seats again. The next morning my guy made a comment on how weird the seating placement was. I nodded & agreed with a smile.

The point is when you create stories and make anything about you, you will suffer & create stress. When you get out of your story solutions come & you will know what action to take, if any. The best advice I could give you, & it is fitting this time of year, give your ego assignments, jobs to complete. The more tasks you give your ego to do the less time it has to make up stories. Have you ever notice as you are checking things off your to-do list you are less in your head & more action oriented? The ego loves to accomplish things. That is because the ego is best suited in that position. 

I wish you joy & peace! ~Sandy 

Copyright 2013 by Sandy Lucas

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Steps to Success

Hello and welcome back!

Every single moment is an entry point to change your strategy, your mind, or continue doing what you’re doing. In order to be successful at whatever change you desire you need to understand what has stopped you in the past. You can label it your ego, resistance, or your little self. I’ve heard them all. Whatever title you give it remember it is a part of you not the whole of who you are.  I’ll refer to it as the ego part of you. The ego makes itself known to you through your thoughts. These ramblings that go on day and night are not you, they are a combination of everything you’ve ever absorbed. They come from your experiences, your family, society, your community, advertisements, stereotypes, stigmas and television to name a few.  

Your ego, when allowed in the driver seat, believes its job is to protect you and keep you alive. Keeping you alive means possessing the thoughts that hold you down, and retain an under the radar lifestyle. It is the part of you that gets so uncomfortable with change it will try to snuff out any ambition that arises within you.  It’ll use thoughts that ignite self-doubt, steer you toward proof or use fear based thoughts that you are better off right where you are.  It’ll send thoughts that cause you to second guess yourself or become extremely critical of any idea that includes transformation. As you have desires, create steps, make a plan, and commitments an obstacle or ten or several challenges will pop up this is to force you to avoid the change you so desperately want.  When the ego is in the driver seat it does not look out for your best interest, but when moved into the passenger seat it will succeed beyond your wildest dreams.  Follow the steps below and you too with be successful. 

The most critical step is to accept the ego, especially when it is mismanaged or in the driver seat. When you accept anything as is you become solution minded and that is the position the ego is well suited for. The ego in the driver seat; It is raining, now my picnic is ruined. The ego in the passenger seat; It is raining, now what? Because you were unaware of how to manage the ego part of you, you allowed it a position it was unequipped for. You allowed it to place speed bumps in your path, you allowed it to dictate your suffering. The ego has an important role and when in the proper position will carry out the tasks assigned to it beautifully. The miracle occurs when you continue moving forward, opposed to allowing the ego to halt your efforts, this grants you, your true self, the driver seat. Knowing you have a choice to honor your commitments no matter what allows you to breakthrough the barrier that has held you back for far too long.  Let’s use this moment as an entry point to go after our desires!

1. Decide what you desire. You can dream big or start small. This is you in the driver seat, pick whatever you’d like.

2. Create steps you are willing and determined to take to accomplish your goal. By constantly focused on solutions will allow your ego the position it is meant to have, the passenger seat. Watch how helpful and useful it becomes. The key to place and keep the ego in the passenger seat is to use consistent self-talk, by continually asking positive questions like, How can I produce even better results? How can I keep the momentum going? How can I happily complete all my steps today? How can I be more loving? The ego loves to research the data you absorbed and bring it forth for your highest good, but only when you are in the driver seat. Because the ego was ill-suited for the driver seat position it actually didn’t know how to succeed, by taking back the steering wheel you have freed yourself and your ego! Here are a few examples of positive questions you can ask; Let’s say you desire to be a particular weight. For one of the steps you chose to have one cheat day a week, but as the weight starts to come off and you’ve been asking questions such as, How can I create better results? an inner answer may suggest you limit your cheat day to one meal per week. After more weight or if you hit a plateau, and because you are constantly asking positive questions, one suggestion that resonates with you may be to have one dessert a week and so on. Or let’s say you wanted to write a book and you knew you could commit to one hour every day to write, but as momentum took hold and you asked positive questions you moved it up to two hours a day.  As you continually breakthrough each moment of resistance the ego throws your way, because it will, out of habit, try to get back into the driver seat, your confidence will soar and you’ll want your desire to come that much quicker. Once everyone is in the proper position and held there the miracles will abound! 

3.  Commit and self-direct yourself to the steps you created no matter what.  By acknowledging, and affirming there will be times the challenges or obstacles the ego hurls at you will suck prepares you for them.  With acceptance you know the purpose of the ego, and with awareness you understand the ego belongs in the proper position to be most successful. This isn’t about resisting more or struggling against any part of you, however by being aware of what position every part of you plays best allows for a well functioning team. Continually and consistently choose your goals and you will remain in the driver seat, where you belong.  

4.  Act as if you already have what you desire. How would you dress? How would you walk? How would you stand? How would you talk? Go ahead and try it. Let’s say you have your goal this very minute now walk across the room. Notice how you carried yourself and continue doing that.  Play the role and use phrases like, I am on my way, I am figuring this out, I am doing it, I feel good/great/fantastic! 

5. Celebrate each time you choose to self-direct yourself toward your commitments and remain in the driver seat!  

I am so happy to give you permission to go after the unlimited possibilities you possess. You know the formula, you know where the ego and you belong so go shine your light! I’m excited to see what is coming from you!

Much peace to you all!

~Sandy

Copyright c Sandy Lucas 2013