Hello & welcome back!
Do you curse the darkness because you can’t see or do you accept that it is too dark to see and turn on a light? Do you sit on the side of the road when your gas gauge is on “E” crying, “why does the gas always do this to me?” Or do you accept you need gas, pull into a station & fill up your tank? When something is spilled do recognize the mess and mop it up, or do you have a tantrum & then tend to it? Do you stop Christmas because you never got a tree or do you promise to start earlier next year & have a good time now?
Stress is a year round problem, yet it is at its peak this time of year. The examples above shows us when we accept a situation as is solutions or answers come and what action needs to be taken is evident. What gets us into trouble is when we make it personal, as is also shown in the above examples, but this just recycles our pain creating more stress. Our thoughts about it being dark, out of gas, the spill, or being tree-less is what causes stress not the actual event.
Let’s say, for example sake, you take a date to a holiday party when you notice your date is talking to someone you can’t stand. Your date is bored and hoping you’ll show up and rescue them. You’re in the corner berating yourself making up a story on how your date likes the other person better and will probably marry (true, that is how dramatic & ridiculous the ego makes things). Your date is thinking they are getting no attention from you and just want to go home. The two of you get in the car and as far as you both are concerned there will not be a second date.
Our story’s are created by the ego. The ego runs thoughts in your head that prove what it *thinks* it knows negatively about you. When you question these thoughts opposed to believing them you free yourself. In the above scenario, if you looked for your date & instead of creating a story you accepted she was talking to someone this would give you a host of options, and without a story it wouldn’t be about you. If a child has an accident, yes it sucks that you must stop what you were doing to attend to the mess, but it is not a catastrophe unless you make it one.
The other night my fiancee turned his back toward me during a concert. My thought was, or the story I told myself, I wasn’t good enough for his attention. Whoa, oh enlightened one. I made the odd seating configuration about me! Talk about a stretch, but, I admit there was alcohol involved. My ego was taking his action to prove I wasn’t worthy of his attention. Once, I got a grip & realized his action wasn’t about me & that the meaning I assigned to his action was a complete lie, I freed myself from an unnecessary argument about something neither of us had control over or hurt feelings between us. It didn’t mean the seating arrangement didn’t suck, but instead of making his action about me I kept the focus on what the real problem was & a mental note not to pick these seats again. The next morning my guy made a comment on how weird the seating placement was. I nodded & agreed with a smile.
The point is when you create stories and make anything about you, you will suffer & create stress. When you get out of your story solutions come & you will know what action to take, if any. The best advice I could give you, & it is fitting this time of year, give your ego assignments, jobs to complete. The more tasks you give your ego to do the less time it has to make up stories. Have you ever notice as you are checking things off your to-do list you are less in your head & more action oriented? The ego loves to accomplish things. That is because the ego is best suited in that position.
I wish you joy & peace! ~Sandy
Copyright 2013 by Sandy Lucas