Freedom From Clutter

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How to Find and Keep Love

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Hello and welcome back!

I’m shaking things up a bit. I’m continuing on with my mini series about finding love. You can apply the strategy’s to anything in your life not just love. I’m giving you a small peak at the book. This is the second part- dating. Yikes! Enjoy! And to those who want to read about organization and efficient habits… stay tuned!    

Step 2: How to pick ‘em

So you have a date, now what? Your goal is to continue demonstrating the person you described in your list and to find out if your date is compatible, although you’ll want to communicate in conversational tone versus an interrogation or interview. You’ll have to decide what questions will coincide with what is on your list. And you may just decide to ask their thoughts or beliefs on a particular subject that is important to you to get a feel for what their views are.

Be curious and listen without judging. It is tempting to hear only what you want to hear, or your itching to offer your opinion, but, for now, just listen and remain open and honest about their truth, give your brain a break. When they ask for your opinion you can freely give it and hopefully they’re listening and trusting your truth. Neither of you are right or wrong everyone’s experience is different therefore everyone’s belief, opinion, and perspective, is different. No matter how much evidence or feedback you have to prove your belief, view or opinion is the correct one don’t. By forcing, demanding or feeling anger toward another means you are in resistance to who they are and to what they are offering. As much as you don’t want someone pushing their beliefs on you don’t do it to others. It is better to accept their differences, and use the information you receive about them to decide if their views, attitude, and preferences are either something you can learn from, live with, or if they are so far out of alignment with you that your lives won’t mesh well. Choose to believe their truth whether you agree, understand or like it. It takes effort because it could stir up some fear or uncomfortable feelings within you. We all have a tendency to want the other to be the one because if they’re not, there could be an underlying limiting belief, there is something wrong with you. Plus if you accept them fully you may fear that you are wrong, instead of it just being a matter of differences with your interests, views, or preferences. The truth is your old limiting beliefs are running amok, understand the person may just not fit. Take for instance a pair of pants that are too big or too small either way they are too uncomfortable to wear, it is simply the wrong size pants for you. The bottom line is when someone doesn’t hold the same values as you it means you have just unearthed something you didn’t know about yourself prior to meeting this person. Don’t take it personally, instead look at it as trial and error you’re one step closer to knowing what and who does work for you. Be thankful you were able to recognize when it doesn’t work so you’re able to move along quickly to what does.

If you find yourself reasoning, justifying, excusing or explaining their answers or them, it means you are trying to make them fit somehow, someway into your belief system and ultimately your life. Remember, allowing someone who you can’t accept fully will only delay the right one from coming and will ultimately create struggle, stress and misery. The sooner you learn this the smoother your life will go. Although there are lessons to learn and people do bring them to light, especially an intimate partner, but if you followed step one in the book you are allowing those lessons to surface and hopefully you are successfully dealing with them. 

When anything in life is right for you there is a natural flow, you feel good, confident and at ease, you feel happy. When you feel anything other than those traits your true self is telling you, you are in resistance to what is. It is your navigational system within letting you know you are not accepting, instead you want something or someone to be different than what is. You can only pick and choose what you prefer when you are in control of it. If you don’t like driving down a bumpy road find a new route instead of spending your energy cursing the road. If there is no other route than all you can do is accept it and get on with living despite the bumpy road.

Peace ~Sandy

Copyright 2013 by Sandy Lucas

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