Freedom From Clutter

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The answers to what causes stress and how to eliminate it!

Hello and welcome back!

Our thoughts cause all our stress. I swear, it’s true. Oh sure, I can hear you screaming, but it’s…. and giving me a litany of reasons, situations, and people as the cause of your stress. Just hear me out. Most all stress is due to you wanting something or someone to be different.  And who tells you it must be different? Your thoughts! The second cause of stress is because you make the situation personal.  Who makes it about you? Your thoughts!

It is important and dire you understand the damage stress can do internally so you commit to eliminate stress, not manage it, from your life. When you feel any strong negative emotions your body goes into flight or fight mode. Which means your adrenalin goes to your extremities leaving your center vulnerable to disease.  Your body wants to make sure you have the energy to flee, find safety, or fight to remain alive, instead of digesting your food or fighting off a bug attacking your organs. It sends a surge of energy outward to your arms and legs, because if your dead it wouldn’t matter if your blood pumped properly or you breathed normally. Your body doesn’t know if you are reacting to a bus barreling down on you, a spill on your dress, a dog attacking, a disagreement with your friend, or your kid leaving a sock on the floor.  Put simply, any strong emotion sends a signal to your body you are under attack and acts accordingly every single time!  If you allow this stress to continue you are vulnerable to a host of malady’s. Once you grasp the thoughts are tall tales and you learn how to stop your thoughts from hurting you, you will eliminate stress altogether. Oh, sure things will still happen, but by not believing the story’s your thoughts conjure, seeing the facts only, you actually free yourself for solutions to flood in. You’ll be saying, “That sucks. Now what?”

So, how do you eliminate stress from your life and protect your happiness? Recognize your thoughts as the cause of the stress you are experiencing. The good news is if you are causing it than you can eliminate it. Understanding your thoughts are judgments about facts. They are the part of the sentence that comes after the fact. If we just stayed with the fact and didn’t attach a story to it we’d be in great shape. It is raining. Now what? There is traffic. Now what? The boss is yelling. Period.

Grant it the story’s and judgments are still going to come, but you don’t have to attach yourself to mean something about you or even believe them.  Instead you become the witness to the thoughts running through your head. Knowing they are just tales allows the energy to dissipate. You become the space for the feelings these thoughts provoke. Agree to be the space for the energy. “I happen to be the space where anger energy is right now.”  By understanding it is just a story allows you to give up the automatic reaction to defend, blame, or hold tightly to a specific outcome. You also detach from the stress these actions and behavior creates. Once you agree to be the space for any negative emotions you feel, by either putting your attention on the energy within you, notice the aliveness in your body, or you can focus on an object in front of you mentally describing it. When the energy is ready to move through you you’ll take an involuntary breath and a sense of peace will come over you.  Without the fight or flight mode happening your body functions normally keeping bugs at bay and illnesses away! 

Peace ~ Sandy

Copyright 2013 by Sandy Lucas 


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Trust the Process

Hello and welcome back!

Have you heard the phrase, “You can take the person out of the hood, but you can’t take the hood out of the person” ? The “hood”, in this example, is referring to the ego created self. The “hood”, for example sake, doesn’t mean that is who you are. True it may have been an experience, but that is all. Once a story about the experience was created it became your self concept. The ego has created a self image due to your emotionally charged experiences you had mostly as a child. The ego’s job is to protect you, to keep you alive. It believes by keeping this self image of you in tact will help. It doesn’t matter if you agree with this self image or not. The ego believes that is who you are and will continuously prove it to you by the thoughts it sends you and if you balk it will send in Mr. Fear. However, it doesn’t know if the self image it created is harmful or not. It does not know yes or no, right or wrong. It only knows the conclusions it came to from your emotionally charged experiences. It knows where your attention is at all times and what repetitive patterns, habits, and behaviors you exhibit. It will keep bringing you more of the same, again to protect you.

If it believes you are a person who lacks money because you place your focus or attention on the lack of money even if you won the lottery it would sabotage your efforts to become a rich person.  Not that you couldn’t change, but it would be beneficial if you understood how to work with your ego and how to trust life to do so.

The trick to turn your life around is to Trust the Process.

1.  Accept what is showing up even if it sucks. Once you learn to  accept life without reacting negatively you empower yourself. For example, you are headed out of town on a flight and your alarm failed to go off. You notice you may have enough time if everything goes smoothly. You trust the process by accepting your alarm didn’t go off and get dressed. You hit traffic. Again, you decide to trust the process, you place your attention on relaxing and know all will work out exactly as life has intended. As you release the panic and struggle and focus on  breathing the traffic opens up and you arrive with only minutes to spare. At check-in you are told the plane had been delayed and they have your seat waiting.  When you trust the process you allow life to be as is and miracles happen. Even if you didn’t make it on time, when you are truly committed to the process, you accept there was a reason for the missed flight.  When you accept what is happening in any given moment and you trust the process life will support you.  It will bring you exactly what you need, and what is best for you, even when you don’t know the reason, or understand it, or like it. Let go and trust the process.

2. Your true self is love, joy and peace. When you are anything but those the ego is around. The ego creates judgments and story’s to bring you back to the self image it created, but you can work with the ego versus struggle against it.  For example, if you wanted to change something about yourself decide what that looks like to  you and than focus on, act and behave, your way to being or having it. Find a plan or practices that support your change and take consistent, slow, if necessary, steps (consistency is the key not the speed) showing your ego you are safe. If you want more income do things that show you’re rich.  Whether it be to study books on investing, joining financial classes,  taking a big ticket car for a test drive or going to open houses in a neighborhood you will live in. Mentally bring emotionally charged experiences of having and spending large sums of money into your mind and continue to replay it daily. Focus on what you DO want and the good feelings it provokes. Align yourself with your definition of what you want and trust the process by being open to what shows up and act on everything that inspires you. 

3. Be the space for uneasy feelings, but don’t be the uneasy feeling. Meaning if you attach story’s to experiences or what is happening in your life it will bring about feelings. To avoid this focus on facts only. It is raining, period. Instead of, it is raining and my picnic is ruined.  It is raining. Now what? Or the house is cluttered, period. Instead of my house is cluttered and I’m a lazy slob.  By focusing on the facts only you are accepting what is, and if it is undesirable, act, do something about it. A story or judgment makes you a victim of the circumstance and is used as an excuse or justification to hold back change and to keep the ego created self in tact. Instead of accepting the situation you are accepting the judgment about it. 

As you begin this process, uneasy feelings will still come up, become aware of it and be the space for it. Don’t react and don’t make it about you just be aware it is there and put your attention on an object or your breath or the energy inside your body.  Again, the fact is you have an uneasy feeling that happens to be in your space, period. Accept it. Tell yourself it is a story you’ve been attached to for a long time, but it is time to get on board with trusting the process and than breathe and let it go.

I wish you all the potential life has to offer!

Pease ~ Sandy

Copyright 2013 by Sandy Lucas


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How to Find and Keep Love

Hello and welcome back!

This is the third and final part to the book, “How to Find and Keep Love“, by Sandy Lucas. Enjoy!

Step 3: Keep the love going
Once you found your special someone and you are ready to take it to the next level or if you are in a committed relationship I share with you what I found that has kept our relationship fulfilling, happy and loving. Even if you don’t get your partner on board with my suggestions, what I found, if you do it anyway and there is a benefit to you and your relationship you’ll usually find they will want what you’re having! Plus it isn’t about changing another or making them be or act a specific way to make you feel comfortable or happy, it is about YOU being in charge of your happiness.  

1. Don’t stop holding hands, kissing, or being attractive. Just because you found them doesn’t mean you are free to take these areas for granted. Continue to make the effort, you both deserve it and are worth it. 

2.  Don’t point out their weaknesses, focus on their positive qualities. Yes, this takes effort, but it’s SO worth it, I promise. In the beginning you are blind to any flaws, they can’t do any wrong, but as you fall into a routine and time goes by little things may begin to irk you. Stop. What if this person is going to do this thing that irks you forever, can you live with it? If not, I suggest you move on. If you think they will change, you’re wrong, wrong, wrong. I repeat you’re wrong. It isn’t that change can’t or won’t happen, the point is it is not up to you to decide what they should change and when they should do it. Respect yourself and the other person by not second guessing your annoyance. It is extremely difficult to love a fault finder and it is no picnic for the one who is bothered either. If, you can accept them because their positive qualities over shadow any irritating minor habits continue to focus on what they’re doing right. Remember, there are many ways of doing things, if you don’t like how someone is doing something certainly talk about it once if it is troublesome, but otherwise don’t sweat the small stuff and above all, don’t take any thing personally in the first place. 

3. Don’t stop having fun together. Find ways to surprise each other, keep it spontaneous and amusing. It doesn’t have to be over the top or expensive it can be simple and still meaningful. It’s about being excited and celebrating your togetherness. Getting stuck in a rut is one way to slowly kill a relationship. 

4. Don’t call each other negative names such as jerk, bastard or bitch or use labels such as stubborn or controlling. If it escalates to that point respect the relationship by calling a time out. Don’t gossip, complain, or talk negatively to others about problems you experience with your partner either. If you can’t work it out together then bring in an unbiased professional only.   

5. Support each other in your individual hobbies or interests. Rally and cheer each other on versus seeing your partners interests as a threat.  

6. Make choices based on acceptance. You don’t have to love everything, but if you can accept what is you’ll hit a home run. Judgments or pointing out, what you consider, a persons faults or mistakes are a quick way to kill a relationship. To stop unnecessary judgments know your partner is doing their best even if you don’t agree, understand or like it. Accept that your partner is doing his/her best, that they can’t do any different. If they knew better, they’d do better. This goes for you too, know you are doing your best. By knowing this truth allows you to cut each other slack, it eases your emotions and halts criticism. And don’t make mental deals that when they are a specific way you’ll accept them fully. By wishing or demanding your partner change you hold the relationship together with strings which have a tendency to break and fall apart, instead accept with your whole heart knowing you are each enough as is. Become aware when you want someone to change it is because you either fear it will effect you negatively or you feel it will benefit or enhance you positively. Both of these views, however will cause you disappointment every single time, because you’re putting your faith in someone you have no control over. When you feel this way simply interpret it to mean you want something to be different than what it is. And that’s okay, it benefits you to acknowledge your preferences, it allows you to improve yourself knowing what you want and what you don’t. By taking responsibility for your inability to accept, instead of trying to change someone to be different for your sake, will actually hold you accountable for your life. In other words, your focus shifts from the other and what you want to be different back to you and what you can control. 

7. Speak openly and honestly about your needs. If you’re not sure, decide what it is you don’t want and figure out the opposite. I also highly recommend the book, “The Five Love Languages.” By Gary Chapman. It is an insightful little book.  

8. Ask, listen and trust. Your intimate partner sees the real you and may have pertinent information you could use to improve yourself or release a challenging situation. Sometimes we get stuck in limiting habits and don’t realize we are doing something that isn’t to our benefit. You know those times when you keep doing the same thing and expect different results? The difference from a judgement is this is asked for advice, from the one person that wants the best for you, because it benefits them for the true you to emerge. I won’t lie my initial reaction was to feel an inner ouch upon hearing my partners perspective. As I kept at it, taking in what is said without reacting to it, allowed me to see my ego at the helm. I was then able to clearly see how the ego creates misery. This allowed me to awaken to stuff that truly didn’t and doesn’t matter. I was able to become free due to my partners support.   

9. Stop trying to control the uncontrollable. And for goodness sake, stop trying to be right. Instead, I suggest you call a truce and continue building a loving bond. Or, if you insist, fight your point, strengthen your ego and become separate from your partner. If you choose to call a truce the key to stopping yourself is to do one or all of the following; put your focus on your breath, put your attention on an object, or feel the aliveness and the energy in your body. Soothe yourself by mentally saying, “This too shall pass” and believe it will. Then take a nap, a bath, or if the energy is still there go wash the car. 

10. Whatever you did to woo him/her keep doing it. Make celebrations, special dates not just when you’re headed to an event together, but when it is just the two of you. You may feel silly or anxious at first, but remember it is okay to be vulnerable that’s what makes you adorable to each other. 
I wish you all the best!
Peace ~Sandy

Copyright 2013 By Sandy Lucas 


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How to Find and Keep Love

Hello and welcome back!

I’m shaking things up a bit. I’m continuing on with my mini series about finding love. You can apply the strategy’s to anything in your life not just love. I’m giving you a small peak at the book. This is the second part- dating. Yikes! Enjoy! And to those who want to read about organization and efficient habits… stay tuned!    

Step 2: How to pick ‘em

So you have a date, now what? Your goal is to continue demonstrating the person you described in your list and to find out if your date is compatible, although you’ll want to communicate in conversational tone versus an interrogation or interview. You’ll have to decide what questions will coincide with what is on your list. And you may just decide to ask their thoughts or beliefs on a particular subject that is important to you to get a feel for what their views are.

Be curious and listen without judging. It is tempting to hear only what you want to hear, or your itching to offer your opinion, but, for now, just listen and remain open and honest about their truth, give your brain a break. When they ask for your opinion you can freely give it and hopefully they’re listening and trusting your truth. Neither of you are right or wrong everyone’s experience is different therefore everyone’s belief, opinion, and perspective, is different. No matter how much evidence or feedback you have to prove your belief, view or opinion is the correct one don’t. By forcing, demanding or feeling anger toward another means you are in resistance to who they are and to what they are offering. As much as you don’t want someone pushing their beliefs on you don’t do it to others. It is better to accept their differences, and use the information you receive about them to decide if their views, attitude, and preferences are either something you can learn from, live with, or if they are so far out of alignment with you that your lives won’t mesh well. Choose to believe their truth whether you agree, understand or like it. It takes effort because it could stir up some fear or uncomfortable feelings within you. We all have a tendency to want the other to be the one because if they’re not, there could be an underlying limiting belief, there is something wrong with you. Plus if you accept them fully you may fear that you are wrong, instead of it just being a matter of differences with your interests, views, or preferences. The truth is your old limiting beliefs are running amok, understand the person may just not fit. Take for instance a pair of pants that are too big or too small either way they are too uncomfortable to wear, it is simply the wrong size pants for you. The bottom line is when someone doesn’t hold the same values as you it means you have just unearthed something you didn’t know about yourself prior to meeting this person. Don’t take it personally, instead look at it as trial and error you’re one step closer to knowing what and who does work for you. Be thankful you were able to recognize when it doesn’t work so you’re able to move along quickly to what does.

If you find yourself reasoning, justifying, excusing or explaining their answers or them, it means you are trying to make them fit somehow, someway into your belief system and ultimately your life. Remember, allowing someone who you can’t accept fully will only delay the right one from coming and will ultimately create struggle, stress and misery. The sooner you learn this the smoother your life will go. Although there are lessons to learn and people do bring them to light, especially an intimate partner, but if you followed step one in the book you are allowing those lessons to surface and hopefully you are successfully dealing with them. 

When anything in life is right for you there is a natural flow, you feel good, confident and at ease, you feel happy. When you feel anything other than those traits your true self is telling you, you are in resistance to what is. It is your navigational system within letting you know you are not accepting, instead you want something or someone to be different than what is. You can only pick and choose what you prefer when you are in control of it. If you don’t like driving down a bumpy road find a new route instead of spending your energy cursing the road. If there is no other route than all you can do is accept it and get on with living despite the bumpy road.

Peace ~Sandy

Copyright 2013 by Sandy Lucas


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How to Find and Keep Love

Hello and welcome back!

I’m continuing my mini series on, How to find and keep love. Today will be the second snippet of part one in my book, How to know what you do want. Enjoy!

The second crucial step is to continuously focus on what you want not the lack of it. For example, when you see a couple together say to yourself, “I am excited to have that in my life.” Combine your imagination with your thoughts to conjure the good feelings the scene provokes. If or when your thoughts turn negative don’t feed them instead put up an imaginary stop sign and tell yourself, “I’m alright where I am and it’s getting better.” This allows you to accept where you are and trust what you want is coming.

Another significant game changer is to mentally say every day upon awakening, “Today may be the day I find my lover.” This lessens any pressure you may have placed on yourself in the past. By believing that today just may be the day creates anticipation, spontaneity, curiosity and possibilities. It also changes your focus to what you do want, and allows you to be open to all the opportunities that come your way, instead of staying stuck in a repetitive pattern of, “I’m alone and it sucks.” True, it may suck, and it’s okay to acknowledge that it sucks, that’s how we figure out our preferences, but it changes nothing by living in Suckville. If you’re truly committed to finding love you need to shed the habit of complaining and step into the habit of expecting him/her to show up. Put your attention and focus on preparing for a relationship instead of using it as an excuse to get out of living. And the very reason I have you starting the courtship first and being the person you seek. In reality, he or she is already here and once you believe in their existence your special someone will appear. Are you ready?

Peace ~Sandy

Copyright 2013 by Sandy Lucas