Hello, my name is Sandy and I’m a recovering perfectionist.
Sometimes I need permission to be okay with being me, the good and, well, all the imperfect stuff that makes me me! I wanted to connect the dots about perfectionism in an imperfect world. So, this week I set out to get some answers, and, yes, I gave myself permission to get it done imperfectly. Through casual conversations I’ve heard from different sources, that there are two major needs in life; a sense of belonging and to be loved. Maybe that is why I do the things I do, to belong and be loved, but wait, I am loved by some terrific people.
A dear friend suggested it may have started when we were in tribes, if you weren’t secure or of value within your tribe your survival was at risk. That makes sense, however today I can be so disconnected from my “tribe” between home deliveries, automated drive-up and the digital world I can survive alone. Although, I wouldn’t want to and I do make a conscious effort to connect and engage with others, truth be told, I have noticed how unaware people have gotten.
Lately, there also appears to be a media frenzy about separating the “good” and the “bad”., The scary part, to me, is that so many people are falling for this manipulation, indulging the monster by feeding it which is giving it more and more power. Judgments about everything is rampant and creating a world that is not friendly instead it is tearing people apart. I remember a time when journalists delivered the news and remained neutral. Today everyone has an opinion, unfortunately most are not positive, and the worse part about judgments is the hatred it creates.
Did you know there would be no reason to forgive if we quit judging ourselves and one another? What if we cut ourselves slack, knowing we’re doing our best and we did the same for others. We could change the saying; To err is human to forgive divine, to, To err is human to accept divine. Oh glory be!
True, there is tragedy in the world and upsets in our lives, but if we grieved earnestly by accepting the loss or change versus blaming or judging we would be able to figure out quickly how to move forward. What if we knew for every misery or negative feeling we have it is because we want something or someone to be different. Just knowing, we aren’t in acceptance and that’s okay, relieves some pressure and keeps us responsible for ourselves.
When I am in balance with life, meaning I’m headed in a positive right-for-me direction I feel less struggle, more at ease and in control. Sometimes I don’t have an answer to why things happen the way they do. Instead of harping on the why I soothe myself with a pep-talk, I know it will work itself out, or things will get better, this allows me to see, or at least know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and continue on.
So, if it is a sense of belonging that created this perfectionist attitude how can I secure my place among my tribe? How can I be of value? What can I offer? I know!!! <place light bulb here> I could embrace mine and others imperfections! Accept others for who they are even when I don’t understand or agree with them. Acceptance doesn’t mean I like you it means I see you, and with that information I decide if I want to belong with you. For all of you who read this ~ I accept you completely and I give you permission to be beautifully imperfect! Enjoy the ride folks as it will come to an end.