Freedom From Clutter

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How to Find and Keep Love!

Hello and welcome back!

I am starting a new mini-series. I wrote a book and decided to condense the chapters, give you a small sampling, of what I wrote (FREE). I am sharing what I learned about love. Although this focus is on an intimate relationship, “How to Find and Keep Love”, like everything I write, these strategy’s and suggestions can be applied to all areas of your life. I hope you enjoy it! With that said… Have no fear, I will be back to focus, once again, on organization and living with efficient habits quicker than you can finish your to-do list! 

I found love later in life, age 49, and wanted to share what I did with anyone seeking love, whatever your age. The one major lesson I learned; you can’t change your situation without changing yourself or your approach. The following is what worked for me.   

The first thing is to write a list of at least ten must have’s you want in an intimate partner. If you’re at a loss, write out what you absolutely know you don’t want and figure out the opposite. Once you have your list, set out to be that person. That’s right you go first, you start the courtship. Like I said you have to change yourself or your approach to have something different. 

In your list, don’t pick something you can do for yourself, such as make you happy. It is unfair to give another the responsibility to change you or your moods. What you do want, however is a relationship that is compatible to your life style. Let’s say you want someone with a fit, trim and healthy, body, but you are sedentary and prefer the local burger joint to the gym.  This may not be the best combination. Or let’s say you are more of the homebody type, but you put on your list a socially active person. Be honest and ask yourself if you’re looking for someone to pull you out of your rut. Influence is very different than change. You may already be with someone who decides to get fit and that may influence you to get healthy yourself, but it isn’t the reason you got in the relationship. It would be better if you tried  something new or different before you assign it to a future partner. Sometimes we romanticize about something foreign to what we are familiar with, and sometimes there is a reason we haven’t pursued it. Set yourself up for success leave the fantasy behind and focus on what you are actually willing to participate in and what clicks with you today.  Also, by getting clear on your top preferences you avoid settling on a sort-of-maybe-kind-of match.  

If you want someone with a good sense of humor find ways to laugh every day. If you want a family oriented person, spend time with family or visit places where families frequent. If you want a healthy and fit person, get yourself on a healthy regimen. If you want a partner with an adventurous spirit start creating and fulfilling escapades now. Perhaps you want someone financially independent, are you? Maybe you want a partner who is confident, go tackle some of your fears and watch your confidence level soar. If you want romance, light a candle every night, listen to Barry White, buy a bouquet of flowers, indulge in a luxurious bath and read romance novels. Or linger over Love cards at the store and picture yourself feeling that way toward your partner. Remember, you need to change yourself or your approach to transform your situation from what you don’t want to what you do. Now, go tackle that list!

Peace ~Sandy

Copyright 2013 by Sandy Lucas


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How is perfectionism hurting you and what you can do about it

Hello and welcome back!

Studies show disorganization, clutter and ineffective habits to be destructive to our health, especially women who experience a spike in stress hormones when inundated with too much stuff. Science proves in the Chaos and Complexity theory if you have too much order a system cannot diversify and adapt to change. If you have too much chaos the system cannot hold together.

All of it is created by perfectionism. Perfectionism is usually the dominating force behind the lack of or the inability to change. Perfectionism is the believe that if we live, act, or look a certain way we would fit in, be accepted and liked. We think this will allow us to avoid the pain of blame, shame and judgment. There are many labels we use such as, excellence, high achiever, idealist, and high standards and they all come back to perfectionism.

Perfectionism, no matter how you define it, sabotages our efforts to find healthy habits and rituals. When you’re in perfectionism mode you’ll find yourself using the word “should” along with justifying, excusing, or explaining yourself. Procrastination, lazy, or creative, may be the labels used for a chaotic life, however this is still perfectionism. When you find yourself distracting yourself with mindless activities, you are avoiding life because you don’t know how to fit in, be accepted and liked. When you are in the clutches of perfectionism fear is at the root. With fear comes unhappiness, disappointment and uncertainty.

You can break free from perfectionism, which will make for a much happier life. For true change, the key is find an area or habit that doesn’t work and do something different with or about it. To break the habit of perfectionism you need to find and practice something that benefits and supports you over and over and over until that becomes your new habit or ritual. Once you get the momentum going toward positive change you can move onto the next area or habit you would like to alter or remove. Consistency is as important as the change or peace you are striving for. Continuous practice creates progress. Progress creates confidence and confidence creates a happier you!

Peace ~ Sandy


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Permission to be imperfect

Hello, my name is Sandy and I’m a recovering perfectionist.

Sometimes I need permission to be okay with being me, the good and, well, all the imperfect stuff that makes me me! I wanted to connect the dots about perfectionism in an imperfect world. So, this week I set out to get some answers, and, yes, I gave myself permission to get it done imperfectly. Through casual conversations I’ve heard from different sources, that there are two major needs in life; a sense of belonging and to be loved. Maybe that is why I do the things I do, to belong and be loved, but wait, I am loved by some terrific people. 

A dear friend suggested it may have started when we were in tribes, if you weren’t secure or of value within your tribe your survival was at risk. That makes sense, however today I can be so disconnected from my “tribe” between home deliveries, automated drive-up and the digital world I can survive alone. Although, I wouldn’t want to and I do make a conscious effort to connect and engage with others, truth be told, I have noticed how unaware people have gotten. 

Lately, there also appears to be a media frenzy about separating the “good” and the “bad”., The scary part, to me, is that so many people are falling for this manipulation, indulging the monster by feeding it which is giving it more and more power. Judgments about everything is rampant and creating a world that is not friendly instead it is tearing people apart. I remember a time when journalists delivered the news and remained neutral. Today everyone has an opinion, unfortunately most are not positive, and the worse part about judgments is the hatred it creates.

Did you know there would be no reason to forgive if we quit judging ourselves and one another? What if we cut ourselves slack, knowing we’re doing our best and we did the same for others. We could change the saying; To err is human to forgive divine, to, To err is human to accept divine.  Oh glory be!  

True, there is tragedy in the world and upsets in our lives, but if we grieved earnestly by accepting the loss or change versus blaming or judging we would be able to figure out quickly how to move forward. What if we knew for every misery or negative feeling we have it is because we want something or someone to be different. Just knowing, we aren’t in acceptance and that’s okay, relieves some pressure and keeps us responsible for ourselves.   

When I am in balance with life, meaning I’m headed in a positive right-for-me direction I feel less struggle, more at ease and in control. Sometimes I don’t have an answer to why things happen the way they do. Instead of harping on the why I soothe myself with a pep-talk, I know it will work itself out, or things will get better, this allows me to see, or at least know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and continue on.

So, if it is a sense of belonging that created this perfectionist attitude how can I secure my place among my tribe? How can I be of value? What can I offer? I know!!! <place light bulb here>  I could embrace mine and others imperfections! Accept others for who they are even when I don’t understand or agree with them. Acceptance doesn’t mean I like you it means I see you, and with that information I decide if I want to belong with you.  For all of you who read this ~ I accept you completely and I give you permission to be beautifully imperfect! Enjoy the ride folks as it will come to an end.

~Sandy  


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Do it Now

Hello and welcome back!

This week I wanted to get back to finding a lifestyle for you that is efficient. Creating and practicing efficient habits means your life runs smoothly even during times of distress.  It is about finding ways to support, benefit and having fun with what you do daily. 

If, for example you tend to be more alert and responsive in the evening and less so in the morning you may want to fit in as many tasks at night as possible. You may want to pull out your outfit, set up coffee, put everything by the door you frequent and tackle an errand or  chore or two. Or if your a morning person it may be the perfect time for you to tackle many chores so you return in the evening with little to do.  There is no need to overwhelm yourself, instead make it work for you. 

Consistently putting things back in their homes immediately upon using them is the answer to control messes. Using your washing machine as a hamper allows you to turn it on once it is full. Changing a light bulb or replacing a battery as soon as the need occurs keeps you prepared and on top of things. Keep an on-going list accessible and with you of items you need to purchase while you are out can cut down on the amount of errands you need to run.

By wiping up a spill, hanging up a towel, wipe down your bathroom while getting ready for your day, or throwing out junk mail immediately could save you future cleaning time. When leaving a room take a quick scan to see if anything needs to go where you are going. Shove plastic shopping bags in an empty paper towel tube or tissue box to keep where ever these bags may be needed; in your car, in a linen closet, or under a sink.   

Remember to create fun out of mundane tasks too! If your a big television fan play beat the commercials with whatever task or chore that needs to get done. If you’re an exercise buff (or just need some) play circuit cleaning. Set a timer for quick bursts, do one chore, when the timer goes off switch over to the next task and continue rotating until either your allotted time is up or the chores are completed.  If you’re into fashion create your outfits for the week.

Speaking of fashion… a very good way to see what you are actually wearing and what can be donated is to place your hangers the correct way. As you wear and rehang each piece place the hanger backwards. Use all the hangers facing the correct way, no cheating, before you retrieve any hangers hung the opposite way. Whatever you refuse to wear donate so you can go back to the clothing you know you will wear. If you continue to do this, you will end up with a wardrobe you absolutely love and a lot less guessing what you’ll wear.   

Acknowledge what isn’t working and than focus on what could work. Having a life with efficient habits is about taking consistent, simple and easy, steps toward a more peaceful, satisfying and fulfilling life. I’ve given you a few examples to make your life sweeter. The things you have to do on a daily basis may appear daunting, but with a little creativity you can make anything work, support and benefit you! Enjoy!

Peace,

~Sandy

 


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Prepare for Success

Hello & welcome back!

A question came up from my latest blog, “In the Know”, dealing with changing habits and successfully getting your goals met. When I wrote about not being able to create something and worry about it at the same time, the question was about what to do with the worry portion of it. Here’s my LONG answer! 

In my Blog, “In the Know” I explained you can’t create a desire and worry about it at the same time, because you send a mix message to yourself, the universe and others. When you add worry (any self-defeating negative feeling) into any part of a desire, want or goal, you end up looking for evidence to support your worry or prove your worry is valid. The major hiccup here, and what can screw you up, is you continue to get whatever you are focused on- more worry, NOT your desire or goal. Stop that! You can’t create an organized and efficient life if you are worried about your clutter, running late and losing your keys. You can’t create money at the same time you are worried how you’ll get it, where it’s going to come from or why you should have it. You can’t create a job while fretting about the economy. Got it? You need to keep your focus on one thing only, your goal, want or desire. Find the evidence and proof what you want can and will be yours! And expect it to happen!    

Let’s start from the top. Your first major step is to know what you want to achieve, and be able to describe it, without getting too detailed. For example; say you want to achieve a lot of money. And let’s say to you it means being free of all debt, purchasing anything that will depreciate with cash, create a bountiful retirement account, help deserving charities, and making wise investments. Or let’s say you want a new job. You want to interact with many people and be able to offer them relief in some capacity. You want to have the ability to use your creativity, have fun and laugh a lot. You’d like a location as close as possible to your home. Whatever you desire it must be your desire or goal, it can’t be what you think society wants or even someone close to you wants it must be something you can relate to somehow.

To know it is your desire give reasons why you want it. If you give reasons like, “because it will get so and so off my back” choose something else. Maybe choose getting so and so off your back! If we stay with the money goal, you may feel free and happy, less of a burden weighing you down.

The next thing is to give reasons why it is possible you will get it.  Recall past accomplishments or what comments you’ve received or list what attributes has come easy to you. You may want to do something career wise and in the past you were good at sales. Now you may not want a sales job but you will be good at selling yourself. List your positive qualities to see how they can help you with this particular goal. 

The next step is where you change your focus to your desire, want or goal only and away from worry. You prepare for it to come. You know what you want, you know what it looks like so what are the steps you need to take to have it happen? The more prepared you are the more confidence you’ll have so when it comes you are completely ready. Maybe that is why someone who wins the lottery can go bankrupt a few short years later. If your goal is to win the lottery take the time to prepare for the win. Not just where you’ll spend it, but how will you hold onto it and make it last. As you buy a weekly or daily ticket (or before you even invest in a ticket) prepare to be a millionaire. Research lawyers and accountants, decide what investments interest you, and plan out exactly where this money will go and exactly what will be saved and/or invested. When you win you will be far ahead of anything that can go wrong! 

Whatever goal you make it may just be a layer of much much more to come. Don’t limit yourself. You do however, have to decide once you achieve your goal or desire how you will either maintain it or what the next layer will be. Let’s say you go after $1,000.00 a week in earnings and now that you have that secured you want to up the amount. All you need to do is start this process -Prepare for Success- all over again.

1. Decide what you want or are expecting and describe it.

2. Give reason why you want it.

3. Give reasons why it is possible you will achieve it.

4. What steps can you take today so when it comes you are prepared.

5. Once there, how will you maintain it or what will the next layer-goal or desire- be?

Your life is completely up to you, enjoy and go for it!

I leave you with two quotes-

“Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive go much further than people with vastly superior talent.” Dailylove.com

“Instead of making up excuses for why something is impossible, it’s far better to come up with reasons why it could be possible. One reason why is more powerful than all the reasons why not.” Jackson Kiddard, author.

Get excited, prepare!

~Sandy