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Ask Sandy How To… Differentiate between selfish & selfless

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A simple explanation of selfish, it means you hurt yourself or someone else with your behavior, habits, or actions, on purpose. I say on purpose because it is a choice, even though you may not be able to recognize your part in it, it is certainly a choice. Instead of putting in the necessary time to understand you, knowing you’re worthy of change & a great life, you’d rather rely on excuses & go to great lengths to justify those excuses. Your negative behavior has become a habit. We continue with negative habits because we think that is what will make us feel better & it is what we know. Even though you have evidence to prove it doesn’t work. You are getting some sort of pay off, by keeping your selfish behaviors going. Grant it the pay off is not positive or beneficial, & you may have tried to end it to no avail. The pay off, whatever it is, is allowing you to keep a dis-empowering & limiting belief alive. You don’t want to hurt yourself or others with the choices you are making, but don’t know how to stop. Habits, even though harmful & destructive, are very difficult to break.

These habits can be anything from gossiping, worrying, spending too much money, eating too much, taking drugs, or drinking excessively, to procrastination, competing with others, yelling, as you guessed the list goes on & on. If what you do hurts you or another yet you continue to do it you are being selfish to uphold a false believe about you by not being the best you. Your selfishness is hurting you the most. Look around you, everything in your life right now is due to the beliefs you have about yourself. We all, in some sort of way, have a basic believe we are not good enough. Fill in the blank not ___ enough. You believe you are not good enough for a great life so you align proof to back it up by continuing a pattern or habit that does not enhance or empower you. You are keeping it alive not your circumstances.

So, what does selfless look like? Selfless means you are determined to remove what isn’t working in your life today, right now. Not when you’ve been diagnosed with a deadly disease, or a catastrophic event happens, but now. You respect & honor all of you & that means even when you are upset you allow yourself to experience the emotion & learn from it. Any limiting beliefs that remain you commit & diligently work to remove them, instead of proving them right. Here’s a great exercise to do to prove you are good enough; create an encouragement log. Start by reminiscing & recording every past accomplishments- nothing is too small, if you are proud record it. Every day record everything good about your day. Now you get a pay off that is positive & benefits you & those around you. Focus on what empowers you. You’ll see you in a whole new light.

With the negative chatter in your head, which can sabotage your efforts, I suggest you become conscious to your inner dialogue. Sometimes I put up a stop sign, & then recite a mantra, mine is, “All is well.” A friend recites, “This too shall pass.” Find yours. Or you could just tell your inner voice to take 10. You can revisit whatever tale it wants to spin in 10 minutes, but not right now. You are the gate keeper to your mind so stand guard & protect yourself. Now that is selfless! Peace to you all!


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