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Ask Sandy How to…Love Unconditionally

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Accepting everything as is. This is such a tricky and, I find, the most difficult thing to master. Unconditional means you completely accept everything and everyone as is. Yet, I seem to find fault or do the what if’s, even though I understand nothing is perfect. Although it is tough to master it is key to a healthy happy life. We seem to have our own individual expectations for people, events, and circumstances versus allowing everything and everyone to be as it and they are. We are afraid if others or things don’t meet our expectations we’ll feel something awful and hold them to blame for our unhappiness. We may feel things need to go “right” for us to feel a certain way.

In reality everything and everyone is here to teach us who we are, but we’re too busy to see that. We’re too busy or is it lazy? We think it is a bother to have to deal with our feelings so we’d rather blame or complain instead of taking responsibility for our feelings. Knowing we aren’t going to die if our child has a tantrum in public, or it doesn’t mean we’ve done something wrong because so and so hasn’t talked to you in a few days. We make up stories, because our subconscious is solution minded and can’t handle dangling over the edge with not knowing. Unfortunately, 9 out of 10 times the self-created stories are so off the mark, yet we are determined to stay stuck in our assumption. We feel safer with the story we created then the truth. Hence the reason we find unconditional so difficult. If we aren’t willing to accept the whole thing exactly as it is, not how we want it, we’ll continue to struggle with what is best for all of us.

We find ourselves saying things like – I love my husband when he is funny and loving, but when he doesn’t take out the garbage…. or my child is wonderful when sleeping, but while awake I could ring their neck… or I’d love my body if I could resist ice cream. These are conditions we put on everything. We are waiting for some magical thing or future event to happen and then and only then will we accept and love freely.

Why not start today? That’s right no matter what happens just accept it, don’t react with a usual response, stop and notice any feelings that may pop up. If a negative feeling appears embrace it and note that the only reason you are feeling miserable, sad, angry, upset, frustrated is because you want it to be different then what it is. I like to recite: Up until now I wanted things and people to be different so I could feel better. From now on I am willing to accept including myself. Since all inner misery is self-created, I know it is just me wanting to make things fit perfectly into my world and since that isn’t how life is I can release the need and in return find more happiness then misery. I wish you all the very best! Peace!


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