Freedom From Clutter

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Ask Sandy How to…have a successful life!

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Hello Sunshine!

We’re here in this life to find our true self, to embrace our one & only uniqueness, we’re also here to find the joy in being this person. We, unfortunately, have been going about it the wrong way. It is astounding how misplaced our thinking has been. We’re searching for outlets outside ourselves (excessive gambling, drinking, eating, etc,) to make us feel better, we’re making people accountable for our happiness, & comparing ourselves against others versus celebrating our individual self. We’ve also been creating our own misery, our suffering has been self-induced, yet we blame everyone else for it. Think about it. Every experience & everyone we meet is to teach us about ourselves. Yet because we haven’t learned what to do when we experience negative emotions & how to cope we resist what is which causes our own self-created misery.

Let’s say you get out of bed & stub your toe on a chair. You don’t have a tantrum & punch the chair, or try to change the chair, or manipulate it (if I give you a dollar you won’t not hurt me again, right?). Nor do you call your friends to piss & moan, or drink or shove down a candy bar. You hold your toe until the pain subsides (allow yourself to feel what you feel). You learn your lesson by either turning on a light, moving the chair, or keep shoes by the bed. And you move on with your life (never to suffer that pain again). If you continue to stub your toe (creating your own misery) your lesson was not learned (resisting what is), you’ll suffer the same consequences until you learn your lesson. Doesn’t it make sense to learn it right from the get-go?

Well, life is exactly the same way! Someone says something that irks you. It stings, gives you an ouch inside, now you can either lash back, which will result in nothing good, nothing. Or remove yourself knowing that person was a messenger to wake you up to something inside that needs your attention. Take a deep breath & just allow the feeling to be, perhaps seeing what it is teaching you, if you don’t know that is okay, at least you honored your feelings. Then ask yourself if you can let it go. If you answer yes, then say lovingly “I release you.” If not, give yourself a few more minutes & breathe deeply. The next & most important step is to reward yourself with something soothing & comforting to you, but nothing outside yourself. Something safe.

All too often we want things & people to be different then what & who they are & that’s okay, not everything is going to be to your liking, but it is not your responsibility nor your business to change anyone. Instead of getting attached to outcomes you can not control you learn how to cope with what is. I’m not saying let someone punch you, you are responsible for you & your safety. Honoring yourself means you love all of you & that means even the yucky feelings you experience, otherwise you love yourself with conditions. Plus once you commit to honoring you you’ll notice the things that once bothered you don’t anymore. The real upside to coping is you don’t seem to attract disappointment or frustration. The trick is to go within when things & people aren’t what you want, not look to outside outlets to distract you. To feel what you feel, see if something is there to learn, let go & reward with inner joyful things. Once you have the skill down the reward could be to leave an unhealthy relationship or job or to learn a new skill or loving you. By working on your inside world versus trying to change your outside world you gain more clarity then you could ever imagine. New ideas flourish because you are removing old stuck energy allowing room to move & groove.

No one has control over anything or anyone nor does anything or anyone have control over you. So why we continue to search outside ourselves to find us is baffling. You have been right here all along waiting patiently for your return. Welcome home you. Peace to you all.

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