Freedom From Clutter

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Ask Sandy How to…Cope

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Hello again!
So many of us have not learned the right way to cope. Instead we look outside ourselves to find that thing we think will make us feel better. Learning to cope folks is an inside job, no candy bar, or Mr. Right now, or drink is going to make you any different then who you are. We deny or ignore what we are feeling & instead of looking within we indulge in or distract with some negative behavior. When we do this we set ourselves up for disappointment, because when we get or do the behavior we thought would make it all better & it doesn’t we find ourselves even more perplexed, displeased & dis-empowered then if we just dealt with our emotions in the first place.

“But that is what everyone else is doing”, we argue, “so why shouldn’t I?” Even the doctors, instead of teaching us wellness & ways to cope, they label us with some dis-empowering term & write prescription after prescription. My response to that is; how’s it working for ya? Have you noticed all the support groups for every kind of addiction there is, for people who suffer because they think an outside something will make them feel better. Once they wake up to the damage they’ve created there is a chance to recover only if they learn how to cope in the future instead of learning to switch from one outside outlet to another. Then you are just the hamster on the wheel, going in circles searching in vain for that something. I think we’d all be better off having one support group for everyone titled: Learn how to cope with your life. That is what it all boils down to anyway, many do not know how to cope on their own, they need support & the know how.

What I’ve come to discover if we continually rely on outside “things” to soothe or relax us we set ourselves up to fail, every single time. If I am upset & shove my upset-ness down with a cupcake or two I haven’t solved a thing I’ve just piled on guilt, & maybe a pound or two, to my already upsetting situation versus respecting & honoring what I feel. I’m not talking about reacting or lashing out or blaming others, instead just allow yourself the space to be upset. Sometimes life isn’t fair or agreeable & sometimes what happens just outright sucks, I know I’ve been there. By allowing yourself to feel it- not judge it or reason with it- just observe you with what you are feeling, honors all of you, and when you’re ready, finding the ability to let it go. Emotions don’t want to stay stuck in our bodies or be recycled, they want the space to flow through you, to teach us something, but when we don’t give them our attention they just get pushed to the back burner to show up again & again. This is not coping, it is delaying, but have no fear it will resurface again & again until you finally blow.

When you give yourself the luxury of inner attention, you observe the emotion, & then celebrate the release &/or lesson with a reward. Treat yourself to a scrumptious bath or hot shower, or entertain yourself with a book or magazine, go for a walk in nature, pamper your nails, or call a special someone, something other than behavior that does not enhance or empower you.

By ignoring or denying your feelings you are not learning how to cope with life’s up’s & down’s. We all know how to celebrate the good things, we don’t know how to soothe ourselves or what to do with negative feelings. Life is what it is, without contrast we wouldn’t grow. If we didn’t know sadness we wouldn’t appreciate happiness. Life is not meant to be a battle or a struggle, however we make it much harder by not embracing all of who we are & at times that means we have to deal with some crappy stuff. The more we grow the easier it becomes. We create our misery by denying & ignoring our emotions, the outside circumstances have nothing to do with how we feel on the inside. Like I said coping is an inside job & so is our happiness. Peace to you all!

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