Hello to all the people who are lost & trying to understand your feelings,
Feelings. The best way to find me, who I truly am, is to feel my way through life. Feelings have not been taught to me or have they come easily. A total foreign realm. There seems to be so much fear surrounding feelings especially negative emotions. I don’t do certain things due to how I may feel. If I truly got down to it what is there to fear? What will happen to me if I allow myself to feel? Not react or lash out at another, just allow myself to feel whatever is there.
So, I experimented. I knew when I got mad, ticked off or down right pissed off at someone it wasn’t about them at all. I concluded they were just the messenger, instead it was something inside of me that needed my attention & healing. I felt it time to do something different- instead of ignoring it, or reasoning away the feeling or soothing myself with a cupcake. But, what to do? I was not taught how to cope with life’s upside down antics nor was I taught how to soothe or relax myself when I became agitated. Many bad habits were formed, for different reasons, when I was out of my element. When I was tired I yearned for chocolate versus closing my eyes for 10. When I found myself bored with a mundane task I craved crunchy things to gnaw on instead of taking a two minute walk. When I was unhappy about a change in plans I shopped to feel better when I could have taken a bath. Whenever I looked to external things to change my mood, to make me feel better, it never worked. I only set myself up for disappointment, because that isn’t what I needed.
This time I allowed myself to let the feeling come up. I didn’t judge it or try to make sense of it. I just gave it space while I became the observer. I felt like the director of a movie. I then asked myself if I could let it go & every time I asked I was ready to release it. I heard life was not meant to be a struggle & now I understood.
I tried making a wish, one wish. I decided if that wish was granted how my life would change. I then noticed I had all these wonderful feelings while describing the changes & realized it was the feelings I was after not the actual wish. I still wanted to go after my wish so I decided every action I take would have the feelings I felt when imagining how my life changed with my wish granted. I still have some learning to do about feelings and I’m certainly on my way!
Peace to my fellow sisters!