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Ask Sandy How To … Use the Law of Attraction

Hello again!

The law of attraction works on everyone whether you believe it or not, whether you understand it or not & whether you like it or not. You attract & match to you what your beliefs, mood, & feelings are. What ever you are putting out, through your energy, will come back to you every time. If you are wondering what your energy says about you, what your beliefs are, the vibes you are sending out, look around. Look at your bank account total, your love life, your career, it is always a perfect match to your beliefs, or vibe. Vibes mean your feeling & mood. If you give something your attention, energy, & focus, which creates a strong emotion, the Universe will match it.

One of the reasons you may not be getting what you want is due to doubt. Doubt is created by lack of evidence or proof. Deep down you don’t believe it will come or happen for you. You may believe you aren’t worthy or good enough, whatever the issue it is your job to extinguish that doubt. Ask yourself, “Has it been done? Can it be done?” Listen for your answer, & the clues to your beliefs.

Doubt may show up in many forms, such as fear & worry, which is a sure indicator your focus is more on your lack or absence of it. You may even justify your doubt, by pointing out your lack, which only creates more lack. If it isn’t working why not try something different? The Universe is tricky & can’t distinguish between a positive want & a negative want. It just matches what you are focusing on. If you type into Google ‘No golf’, it will produce suggestions for golf. Just like the computer it can not differentiate between not wanting & wanting, it just matches. We definitely know what we don’t want & that is usually what we focus on. Whenever you say “Don’t” replace it with what you DO want. Switch, “Don’t slam the door” with, “Close the door easy.” Instead of “don’t forget…” use, “remember…” Your language, along with your feelings, are wonderful clues on what you are attracting into your lives.

When fear & worry are present it means you are focusing more on the absence or lack. It also means your focus is more on your unhappiness, which creates resistant & actually holds what you want at bay, again, it matches your emotions. So, feel good now, accept where you are today. It doesn’t mean it won’t be different tomorrow. If you withhold your feel good attitude until some future event, you may be waiting a long time. When you go to the mall or park, the map indicates, You are here, you see where you are, you know where you want to go & find the best route for you. The same goes for your life. jump in where you are, appreciate what you do have & where you are today. Find ways to feel good now. Instead of focusing on the lack of it imagine what it feels like to already have what you want, give it positive attention. Your feelings are great indicators & will guide you, if you let them, to where you need to go next. Negative feelings are indicators you are off course, by tweaking or becoming flexible you can switch to better feelings. You want to give yourself the attention & work needed as the Universe will eventually match it, so why not focusing on what you DO want?

Here’s a great exercise to honor yourself, by allowing those fears to be heard & get an insight to you: Make a list, on one side record what your fears & worries are- what you don’t want. Draw a line down the middle & on the right side write down the opposite, what you DO want, & cross off your fears on the left. As you do this exercise stay clued into how you’re feeling, record on the right side only the things that feel good to you. Now, take the right side & create a sentence. Your final step, have faith it will happen. If fear & worry reappear it may indicate you are not ready for it to come to fruition, you have more work to do, maybe something needs tweaking. Do the work, you are worth everything you want, & there is plenty to go around.

Another thing I have trouble about is positive affirmations. A positive affirmation can also create a negative vibration if you don’t believe it. if you say something like- I am rich- & you respond with negativity toward the statement it means you have doubt. You need to change the statement until you feel good, for example; If, I am rich didn’t feel good try, I am in the process of finding ways to increase my income. See if that fits you, if not try another; Being rich provides security & I know great ways to secure my finances, & so on. Life is not a one-size-fits-all, you need to find what works for you. The next step is to look for the evidence it is happening. Sometimes we imagine how things will show up versus noticing what is actually happening. Appreciating it all, big & small, supports your good feelings.

If we continue to believe our limiting expectations instead of opening our eyes to what is present we miss it. It is so important to note all evidence as that is what will extinguish or squash your doubt. So, keep a list of every little & big thing that shows up about your want, build the evidence that it can indeed happen for you! Sometimes you have to find someone who did what you are after to prove to yourself it has happened for others so it can happen for you. As things start to show up & manifest your doubt will eventually disappear all together.

If you have a desire to create wealth & you focus on it with positive energy & you find what makes you feel good note all the things that happen & record it, build your evidence. It could be something free that showed up, a cup of coffee perhaps, or you found a dollar in a jacket, or someone paid the bill at dinner, these are all indicators that wealth is happening, & the more you find to celebrate & appreciate the more will come. Maybe a million dollars didn’t suddenly appear, if you keep at it, believe, it will!

We all have some form of limiting belief we are not worthy or not good enough, with written proof that it is happening to you those feelings will shift, just keep pushing through, you are worth it & enough just as you are! It will happen if you identify what you want, give it positive attention, & allow it in by extinguishing doubt. Go for it, you can do it! Peace to you all! asoulcenter.com

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Ask Sandy How to…Create a goal in 3 Steps

Hello!

You can write the exercise down or do it in your head.

1. Make a wish
Make one wish, you can’t wish for more wishes or someone to love you.

2. My life will change in the following ways:
Describe how your life will change once this wish is granted. Get creative & imagine big!

3. How do you feel after describing your changes?
The feeling, not the wish, or goal, is what you are after.

Now the next step is to go after your wish, by creating a plan using the feelings you just conjured up when describing your dream. What we’re doing is creating a plan that suits you.

So, let’s say your wish was to have a healthy, vibrant sexy body. Let’s say you said your life changed in the following ways- you’d be confident, have more energy, stamina, wear stylish clothes, be happy, be comfortable in your body. And you felt ease & joy after describing it, but, you’ll argue, you have dis-empowering beliefs about diets & exercise. Our main focus is on the positive feelings you got while describing your granted wish, not the negative emotions your limiting beliefs create, if you want this wish, you must focus on all the positive aspects, or change your wish.

As you build your plan see what creates the feelings you are after. Let’s start with how you’ll eat, because there are many choices I suggest you lump them into categories such as- when your body is hungry, low fat, no carbs, no sugar, raw, meals sent to you, etc.. As you review each you’ll have a reaction, usually due to past ventures, or how you know your body will respond. What you’re looking for is how to maintain the feelings you are after. If having meals sent to you appeals the most & creates the same feelings you described then that is the one for you. If nothing supports your feelings you may have to become creative & make up your own, which may be you just won’t have any junk food in your house. Whatever you choose remember you know your body best!

Along with the food that your body & feelings responds well to you may want to plan if you want support & from whom, & how you’ll track your progress, add small steps & dates of accomplishments you’d like to see. Again, whatever appeals to your feelings will keep you on track & help create your plan.

Along with this particular plan (wish) you may want to add exercise. What interests you? What creates those feelings you are after? A gym membership? The local YMCA? Shoot hoops with your kids, or spice it up & choose daily? Whatever your fancy is make sure it corresponds with the feelings you are after. Nothing has to be cookie cutter or what everyone else is doing.

No matter what wish or goal you pick it is most important to accept where you are right now, today. You can agree your body has been good to you, held up in the worst of times & you appreciate it. Now it is time you gave back & created a healthy vibrant sexy body you are worthy of having (if that is what your wish was). With acceptance comes solutions on how to proceed & protect yourself. Knowing it is the feelings you are after keeps you conscious & your head in the game.

Recognizing the urges, habitual reactions, & what you used to do didn’t work & won’t get you far if you continue to rely on those. If you remember those urges are temporary, as you plug along & gain evidence to prove your plan is working, they will lessen & fall away altogether. To change a habit you must do something different. You may have sabotaged your past efforts due to unwanted feelings or to stop negative mind chatter, but it won’t create the feelings you are after now. So, instead of giving in create a strategy for yourself. It could be to visualize a stop sign, & repeat a mantra, “all is well” or “this too shall pass”. Pick something & stick to it. If you created one habit you can create another, this time do it by feeling your way through! I WISH you all the best! Peace!

asoulcenter.com


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Ask Sandy How To… Differentiate between selfish & selfless

Hello!

A simple explanation of selfish, it means you hurt yourself or someone else with your behavior, habits, or actions, on purpose. I say on purpose because it is a choice, even though you may not be able to recognize your part in it, it is certainly a choice. Instead of putting in the necessary time to understand you, knowing you’re worthy of change & a great life, you’d rather rely on excuses & go to great lengths to justify those excuses. Your negative behavior has become a habit. We continue with negative habits because we think that is what will make us feel better & it is what we know. Even though you have evidence to prove it doesn’t work. You are getting some sort of pay off, by keeping your selfish behaviors going. Grant it the pay off is not positive or beneficial, & you may have tried to end it to no avail. The pay off, whatever it is, is allowing you to keep a dis-empowering & limiting belief alive. You don’t want to hurt yourself or others with the choices you are making, but don’t know how to stop. Habits, even though harmful & destructive, are very difficult to break.

These habits can be anything from gossiping, worrying, spending too much money, eating too much, taking drugs, or drinking excessively, to procrastination, competing with others, yelling, as you guessed the list goes on & on. If what you do hurts you or another yet you continue to do it you are being selfish to uphold a false believe about you by not being the best you. Your selfishness is hurting you the most. Look around you, everything in your life right now is due to the beliefs you have about yourself. We all, in some sort of way, have a basic believe we are not good enough. Fill in the blank not ___ enough. You believe you are not good enough for a great life so you align proof to back it up by continuing a pattern or habit that does not enhance or empower you. You are keeping it alive not your circumstances.

So, what does selfless look like? Selfless means you are determined to remove what isn’t working in your life today, right now. Not when you’ve been diagnosed with a deadly disease, or a catastrophic event happens, but now. You respect & honor all of you & that means even when you are upset you allow yourself to experience the emotion & learn from it. Any limiting beliefs that remain you commit & diligently work to remove them, instead of proving them right. Here’s a great exercise to do to prove you are good enough; create an encouragement log. Start by reminiscing & recording every past accomplishments- nothing is too small, if you are proud record it. Every day record everything good about your day. Now you get a pay off that is positive & benefits you & those around you. Focus on what empowers you. You’ll see you in a whole new light.

With the negative chatter in your head, which can sabotage your efforts, I suggest you become conscious to your inner dialogue. Sometimes I put up a stop sign, & then recite a mantra, mine is, “All is well.” A friend recites, “This too shall pass.” Find yours. Or you could just tell your inner voice to take 10. You can revisit whatever tale it wants to spin in 10 minutes, but not right now. You are the gate keeper to your mind so stand guard & protect yourself. Now that is selfless! Peace to you all!


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Ask Sandy How to…Love Unconditionally

Hello!

Accepting everything as is. This is such a tricky and, I find, the most difficult thing to master. Unconditional means you completely accept everything and everyone as is. Yet, I seem to find fault or do the what if’s, even though I understand nothing is perfect. Although it is tough to master it is key to a healthy happy life. We seem to have our own individual expectations for people, events, and circumstances versus allowing everything and everyone to be as it and they are. We are afraid if others or things don’t meet our expectations we’ll feel something awful and hold them to blame for our unhappiness. We may feel things need to go “right” for us to feel a certain way.

In reality everything and everyone is here to teach us who we are, but we’re too busy to see that. We’re too busy or is it lazy? We think it is a bother to have to deal with our feelings so we’d rather blame or complain instead of taking responsibility for our feelings. Knowing we aren’t going to die if our child has a tantrum in public, or it doesn’t mean we’ve done something wrong because so and so hasn’t talked to you in a few days. We make up stories, because our subconscious is solution minded and can’t handle dangling over the edge with not knowing. Unfortunately, 9 out of 10 times the self-created stories are so off the mark, yet we are determined to stay stuck in our assumption. We feel safer with the story we created then the truth. Hence the reason we find unconditional so difficult. If we aren’t willing to accept the whole thing exactly as it is, not how we want it, we’ll continue to struggle with what is best for all of us.

We find ourselves saying things like – I love my husband when he is funny and loving, but when he doesn’t take out the garbage…. or my child is wonderful when sleeping, but while awake I could ring their neck… or I’d love my body if I could resist ice cream. These are conditions we put on everything. We are waiting for some magical thing or future event to happen and then and only then will we accept and love freely.

Why not start today? That’s right no matter what happens just accept it, don’t react with a usual response, stop and notice any feelings that may pop up. If a negative feeling appears embrace it and note that the only reason you are feeling miserable, sad, angry, upset, frustrated is because you want it to be different then what it is. I like to recite: Up until now I wanted things and people to be different so I could feel better. From now on I am willing to accept including myself. Since all inner misery is self-created, I know it is just me wanting to make things fit perfectly into my world and since that isn’t how life is I can release the need and in return find more happiness then misery. I wish you all the very best! Peace! asoulcenter.com


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Ask Sandy How to…have a successful life!

Hello Sunshine!

We’re here in this life to find our true self, to embrace our one & only uniqueness, we’re also here to find the joy in being this person. We, unfortunately, have been going about it the wrong way. It is astounding how misplaced our thinking has been. We’re searching for outlets outside ourselves (excessive gambling, drinking, eating, etc,) to make us feel better, we’re making people accountable for our happiness, & comparing ourselves against others versus celebrating our individual self. We’ve also been creating our own misery, our suffering has been self-induced, yet we blame everyone else for it. Think about it. Every experience & everyone we meet is to teach us about ourselves. Yet because we haven’t learned what to do when we experience negative emotions & how to cope we resist what is which causes our own self-created misery.

Let’s say you get out of bed & stub your toe on a chair. You don’t have a tantrum & punch the chair, or try to change the chair, or manipulate it (if I give you a dollar you won’t not hurt me again, right?). Nor do you call your friends to piss & moan, or drink or shove down a candy bar. You hold your toe until the pain subsides (allow yourself to feel what you feel). You learn your lesson by either turning on a light, moving the chair, or keep shoes by the bed. And you move on with your life (never to suffer that pain again). If you continue to stub your toe (creating your own misery) your lesson was not learned (resisting what is), you’ll suffer the same consequences until you learn your lesson. Doesn’t it make sense to learn it right from the get-go?

Well, life is exactly the same way! Someone says something that irks you. It stings, gives you an ouch inside, now you can either lash back, which will result in nothing good, nothing. Or remove yourself knowing that person was a messenger to wake you up to something inside that needs your attention. Take a deep breath & just allow the feeling to be, perhaps seeing what it is teaching you, if you don’t know that is okay, at least you honored your feelings. Then ask yourself if you can let it go. If you answer yes, then say lovingly “I release you.” If not, give yourself a few more minutes & breathe deeply. The next & most important step is to reward yourself with something soothing & comforting to you, but nothing outside yourself. Something safe.

All too often we want things & people to be different then what & who they are & that’s okay, not everything is going to be to your liking, but it is not your responsibility nor your business to change anyone. Instead of getting attached to outcomes you can not control you learn how to cope with what is. I’m not saying let someone punch you, you are responsible for you & your safety. Honoring yourself means you love all of you & that means even the yucky feelings you experience, otherwise you love yourself with conditions. Plus once you commit to honoring you you’ll notice the things that once bothered you don’t anymore. The real upside to coping is you don’t seem to attract disappointment or frustration. The trick is to go within when things & people aren’t what you want, not look to outside outlets to distract you. To feel what you feel, see if something is there to learn, let go & reward with inner joyful things. Once you have the skill down the reward could be to leave an unhealthy relationship or job or to learn a new skill or loving you. By working on your inside world versus trying to change your outside world you gain more clarity then you could ever imagine. New ideas flourish because you are removing old stuck energy allowing room to move & groove.

No one has control over anything or anyone nor does anything or anyone have control over you. So why we continue to search outside ourselves to find us is baffling. You have been right here all along waiting patiently for your return. Welcome home you. Peace to you all.


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Ask Sandy How to…Cope

Hello again!
So many of us have not learned the right way to cope. Instead we look outside ourselves to find that thing we think will make us feel better. Learning to cope folks is an inside job, no candy bar, or Mr. Right now, or drink is going to make you any different then who you are. We deny or ignore what we are feeling & instead of looking within we indulge in or distract with some negative behavior. When we do this we set ourselves up for disappointment, because when we get or do the behavior we thought would make it all better & it doesn’t we find ourselves even more perplexed, displeased & dis-empowered then if we just dealt with our emotions in the first place.

“But that is what everyone else is doing”, we argue, “so why shouldn’t I?” Even the doctors, instead of teaching us wellness & ways to cope, they label us with some dis-empowering term & write prescription after prescription. My response to that is; how’s it working for ya? Have you noticed all the support groups for every kind of addiction there is, for people who suffer because they think an outside something will make them feel better. Once they wake up to the damage they’ve created there is a chance to recover only if they learn how to cope in the future instead of learning to switch from one outside outlet to another. Then you are just the hamster on the wheel, going in circles searching in vain for that something. I think we’d all be better off having one support group for everyone titled: Learn how to cope with your life. That is what it all boils down to anyway, many do not know how to cope on their own, they need support & the know how.

What I’ve come to discover if we continually rely on outside “things” to soothe or relax us we set ourselves up to fail, every single time. If I am upset & shove my upset-ness down with a cupcake or two I haven’t solved a thing I’ve just piled on guilt, & maybe a pound or two, to my already upsetting situation versus respecting & honoring what I feel. I’m not talking about reacting or lashing out or blaming others, instead just allow yourself the space to be upset. Sometimes life isn’t fair or agreeable & sometimes what happens just outright sucks, I know I’ve been there. By allowing yourself to feel it- not judge it or reason with it- just observe you with what you are feeling, honors all of you, and when you’re ready, finding the ability to let it go. Emotions don’t want to stay stuck in our bodies or be recycled, they want the space to flow through you, to teach us something, but when we don’t give them our attention they just get pushed to the back burner to show up again & again. This is not coping, it is delaying, but have no fear it will resurface again & again until you finally blow.

When you give yourself the luxury of inner attention, you observe the emotion, & then celebrate the release &/or lesson with a reward. Treat yourself to a scrumptious bath or hot shower, or entertain yourself with a book or magazine, go for a walk in nature, pamper your nails, or call a special someone, something other than behavior that does not enhance or empower you.

By ignoring or denying your feelings you are not learning how to cope with life’s up’s & down’s. We all know how to celebrate the good things, we don’t know how to soothe ourselves or what to do with negative feelings. Life is what it is, without contrast we wouldn’t grow. If we didn’t know sadness we wouldn’t appreciate happiness. Life is not meant to be a battle or a struggle, however we make it much harder by not embracing all of who we are & at times that means we have to deal with some crappy stuff. The more we grow the easier it becomes. We create our misery by denying & ignoring our emotions, the outside circumstances have nothing to do with how we feel on the inside. Like I said coping is an inside job & so is our happiness. Peace to you all!


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Ask Sandy How to…. understand feelings

Hello to all the people who are lost & trying to understand your feelings,

Feelings. The best way to find me, who I truly am, is to feel my way through life. Feelings have not been taught to me or have they come easily. A total foreign realm. There seems to be so much fear surrounding feelings especially negative emotions. I don’t do certain things due to how I may feel. If I truly got down to it what is there to fear? What will happen to me if I allow myself to feel? Not react or lash out at another, just allow myself to feel whatever is there.

So, I experimented. I knew when I got mad, ticked off or down right pissed off at someone it wasn’t about them at all. I concluded they were just the messenger, instead it was something inside of me that needed my attention & healing. I felt it time to do something different- instead of ignoring it, or reasoning away the feeling or soothing myself with a cupcake. But, what to do? I was not taught how to cope with life’s upside down antics nor was I taught how to soothe or relax myself when I became agitated. Many bad habits were formed, for different reasons, when I was out of my element. When I was tired I yearned for chocolate versus closing my eyes for 10. When I found myself bored with a mundane task I craved crunchy things to gnaw on instead of taking a two minute walk. When I was unhappy about a change in plans I shopped to feel better when I could have taken a bath. Whenever I looked to external things to change my mood, to make me feel better, it never worked.  I only set myself up for disappointment, because  that isn’t what I needed.

This time I allowed myself to let the feeling come up. I didn’t judge it or try to make sense of it. I just gave it space while I became the observer. I felt like the director of a movie.  I then asked myself if I could let it go & every time I asked I was ready to release it. I heard life was not meant to be a struggle & now I understood.

I tried making a wish, one wish. I decided if that wish was granted how my life would change. I then noticed I had all these wonderful feelings while describing the changes & realized it was the feelings I was after not the actual wish. I still wanted to go after my wish so I decided every action I take would have the feelings I felt  when imagining how my life changed with my wish granted.  I still have some learning to do about feelings and I’m certainly on my way!

Peace to my fellow sisters!